Do you often notice your partner isn’t meeting your needs? It’s like they can never get it right. It’s infuriating because you think about others’ needs. Why can’t your partner get your needs.
You reject what they attempt to do because it’s not close to what you wanted.
WTF! I give so much and I’m the only one who never gets what I need. If they can’t do it right I’ll just do it myself.”
You get exhausted because you end up doing everything for yourself. When exhausted or stressed, you end up getting irritable and, occasionally, full of rage.
Part of you doesn’t want to ask for what you need because it doesn’t mean as much if you have to ask. You want your partner to just know what they should do and how it should be done because you’ve figured how to do that for others.
“It’s not that hard. Just do it like I’m asking. But please, please figure it out without me having to ask for it. Come on, if I have to ask for it, it’s not real!”
And there may be another part that gets in the way of asking. This part feels like you expect too much already. That you are a hard to live with @itch and should expect so much from your partner. This part is also contributing to why you aren’t willing anymore to ask specifically for what you need.
Is any of this sounding familiar?
In Bodynamic Analysis- a Somatic Developmental Theory developed by Steen Jorgensen and Lisbeth Marcher et al. (e.g., Jorgensen, 2000) – this way of being in relationship (keeping ourselves alone by not asking for what we need and not receiving it when it comes) is a result of not learning how to ask for what I needed as a child, for various reasons.
I mistrusted. So I learned to do things for myself. It was a very smart strategy as a child. I learned to protect myself by not needing others. Doing everything for myself. And it worked. Until I grew up and found myself in relationship.
Now that I’m in relationship I need to learn how to ask for exactly what I need and to be open to what my partner offers me. These are skills crucial to a successful relationship.
Working with a caring and accepting therapist can help you create new options for yourself and your relationship. You deserve a chance at a romance where you can ask for what you need, get it, and then rest.
It feels so good to stop working at trying to get what you need.
I invite you to contact me to start this journey on your own healing.
Jorgensen, S. (2000). Healing Developmental Disruptions. Bodynamic Institute USA. http://www.bodynamicusa.com
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