A traumatic experience is defined as an experience that leaves us with feelings of “horror, helplessness or hopelessness” (Herman, 1992). It’s an experience during which our system is overwhelmed. It’s generally an abnormal situation and results in us creating defenses or ways of being that get us through such an experience.

Thank goodness for those defenses. Without them we’d be left feeling completely stuck or suicidal. But after the traumatic event has past we may notice that even though we are safe we are still exhibiting some of those defenses. They are keeping us stuck or getting in the way of us living a happy and healthy life. Whether they are the defense of making ourselves small when confronted with conflict, or numbing out when in an emotional fight with our partner, or feelings of rage at work, or jumping out of our skin when our safe parter initiated contact, these are all normal adaptations to an abnormal situation. They were helpful at the time and now are much less needed.

A therapist who is knowledgeable about trauma will help you shed some of these unhelpful reactions. They will help fill out your toolbox so you have many other ways of coping to rely on in addition to the unhelpful one.

A counsellor experienced in trauma will not wade through past traumatic experiences in a deep way in a first session. The 3 stage model of trauma processing is generally regarded as best practice for working with trauma (e.g., Hermann, 1992 ; McEvoy & Ziegler, 2006).

In the first stage you and the counsellor are building safety and relationship. The counsellor and you will spend multiple sessions working on creating a more successful current life. You don’t want to be working through trauma if your current job, marriage or housing situation is falling apart. Working through current life stressors is also a fairly low risk situation to practice on with the counsellor. It helps you and the counsellor build a foundation of trust and knowing each other.

During this time the counsellor may also teach you tools that you’ll need to process trauma. You may learn ways to self-regulate, to ground, to gather support, to orient, to get back to the present, to adult yourself, to understand parts of yourself, to set boundaries, to understand yourself better, etc. For some clients staying in stage 1 is where they will continue to do their work.

Other clients will become ready to do second stage trauma processing. The second stage of trauma processing is working with the traumatic material having first built a relationship with the counsellor and having first learned many tools to stay safe and to re-regulate. There are many ways that counsellors process trauma. One way that I work with trauma is through Internal Family Systems.

In the last stage of trauma processing you go out into the world and walk around in it having processed some of your trauma and see what that’s like. You’d come back for booster sessions every now and then until you want to work through something else.

Finding someone who is experienced in trauma is essential to safely working through a traumatic experience.

Warmly,

Natalie Hansen, M.A., Registered Clinical Counsellor

NatalieHansenCounselling@gmail.com

(604) 816-6532

nataliehansencounselling.com

References

Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and recovery: The Aftermath of Violence. Basic Books/Hachette Book Group.

McEvoy, M., & Ziegler, M. (2006). Best Practices Manual for Stopping The Violence Counselling in British Columbia. BC Association of Specialized Victim Assistance and Counselling Programs.