I use in-session skills to create a safe place to help you and your partner hear each other in new ways and increase your bond. I teach about how our fight, flight and freeze reactions get triggered in relationships and teach you skills to get out of these patterns. You will come away feeling hopeful about the future of your relationship.
Emotionally focussed couples therapy has a significant body of research that supports its efficacy. This is the type of couples counselling I use. Couples change and the change is sustained over long term, generally. It can especially help in situations where there are “injuries” such as an affair and when there is a history of trauma in one of the partners.
Please see the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focussed Therapy’s research outcome page for further information and updates.
Most couples who contact me are hoping to:
- Feel close again
- Argue less
- Have a more satisfying sex life
- Feel more confident about staying together
- Have less separation anxiety
- Deal with an emotional injury such as an affair
- Prepare for relationship changes after moving in together or having a baby
Q: Is it normal that my boyfriend or husband doesn’t want to come in?
Yes, 90% of the time it is a female who instigates the counselling process. The idea of counselling can seem scary, unfamiliar and unhelpful to men. Usually, however, it is the men who end up loving counselling and its benefits. They wanted fewer blowups and more sex and couldn’t figure out how to get it and counselling showed them a way. But more than that it was the increasing of emotional bonding and intimacy with their partner that they didn’t really realize was even missing or possible. Women know this kind of relationship is possible and so they are also happy with counselling but less surprised by it.
Couples counselling works best when both people are in the room. If you can’t get your partner to agree you can come on your own and when they see the changes in you they sometimes are convinced to try it as well. Or they can do a free chat with me on the phone first and see how they feel about me.
What is a lover?
Our lover is supposed to be the one person…we can count on who will always respond. Instead, unhappy partners feel emotionally deprived, rejected, even abandoned.
What are fights really about?
In that light, couples’ conflicts assume their true meaning: they are frightened protests against eroding connection and a demand for emotional reengagement.
What does a happy couple look like?
In contrast, at the core of happy relationships is a deep trust that partners matter to each other and will reliably respond when needed.
What is love?
Love is a constant process of tuning in, connecting, missing and misreading cues, disconnecting, repairing, and finding deeper connection.
What is the dance of love?
It is a dance of meeting and parting and finding each other again, minute by minute and day by day.
(Definitions From Sue Johnson’s, Love Sense)
If you are in a so-so relationship and want to get to an awesome place- you are welcome.
If you are in a bad place and want to get back to where you used to be – come on in.
If you are in a fantastic relationship and want to learn some research and skills to prepare you for marriage, living together, and having babies – give me a call.
Workshops: I love running workshops for couples. See my workshops page for upcoming workshops.