Different person, same pattern.
Individual counselling in New Westminster for the relationship patterns that keep repeating — the situationships, the effort that’s never quite returned, and the way you seem to lose yourself every time you get close to someone.
If this is the loop you keep landing in, you’re not alone.
You don’t need to have it all figured out to begin. If any of these sound like the voice in your head, that’s more than enough to start.
It’s not that you keep choosing wrong.
When the same painful pattern shows up with different people, it’s easy to decide the problem is you — that you’re too much, too needy, or just bad at picking partners. Usually it’s something quieter than that. Early on, you learned a way to stay connected and safe, and that strategy is still running long after it stopped serving you.
Maybe you learned to keep the peace by disappearing. Maybe love felt like something you had to earn, so you over-give. Maybe being truly chosen felt risky, so a situationship feels safer than the real thing. These patterns made sense once. Together, we make sense of them now — so you can choose differently instead of repeating.
The patterns I work with.
You might see yourself in some of these. We’ll focus on the ones that fit your story.
How I help.
My work here is grounded in attachment science and parts work (IFS) — getting to know the younger, protective logic underneath the pattern, and gently updating it. We slow things down enough to notice what happens in your body and your choices when you get close to someone, so the old reflex stops running the show.
Over time, that looks like clearer boundaries, less of yourself disappearing, and relationships — with partners, friends and family — where you can stay close without abandoning you. You get to keep the connection and keep yourself.
Sometimes relationship pain gets heavy enough that you start to have thoughts of not wanting to be here. If that’s you, you’re not too much and you’re not alone — this is something I work with directly and without judgement, and we’ll make room for it together. If you’re ever in immediate danger or unsure you can stay safe, please call or text 9-8-8, the Suicide Crisis Helpline (free, 24/7, anywhere in Canada), or call 9-1-1.
Ready when you are.
Book online any time, or reach out with a question first. We can start wherever you are.